i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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