we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
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Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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