Soap is not a condiment
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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