The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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