do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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