i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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