his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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