best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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