1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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