tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
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Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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