nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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