Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
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Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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