"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
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I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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