I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
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Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
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As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize