Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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