jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize