I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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