your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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