I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize