im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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