I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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