Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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