just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
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he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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