Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
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He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
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We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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