The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize