I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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