I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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