he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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