If that was your dad, he is hot
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
vagina is talking i cant
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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