I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
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i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
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Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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