I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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