I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize