I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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