Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize