he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
