the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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