the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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