Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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