This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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