We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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