Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize