and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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