YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
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can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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