I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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