Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
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He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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