Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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