Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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