I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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