Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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