Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize