I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Jerry, you need to find god
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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